The Great Parenting Failure

Joelito has been very difficult since he came back from his one week stint with the grandparents. Everything in the house has become a platform, he has zero concept of the word no, and he hasn't been sleeping through the night anymore. And just when I thought that this took the cake in great parenting failures, I was once again proven wrong.

Today was a very rough day. Joelito emptied an entire salt shaker on the floor, dumped his juice everywhere, and used his Mega Wagon to stand on top of, right next to the stove. I was exhausted by 10am, I swear. Right after lunch I stepped outside, and with in a matter of a minute or so, Joelito stood on an empty office trashcan we use for his toys, and locked the deadbolt. Yes, he locked the bloody door. I had no keys, no cell phone, nothing. I was an absolute mess, old ratty shorts and t-shirt, frizzy hair, and flip flops.

The first thing I did was tear the screen off one of the windows and try to open it, no luck. This was of course after I shook the door repeatedly thinking he would unlock it. Duh, he is 21 months old. It's like when you are locked out of the house and you can see and hear your dog, but you know the dog can't unlock the door. It was frustrating.

I ran to the side of the house and tried those windows, no luck. I ran back to the front. What the hell do I do? Call the police? I don't have a phone! Should I go to the neighbors? I was at a loss. I was also freaking out wondering what he was doing. The stupid blinds were down, I couldn't see a thing inside the house. What was he getting into? Oh my gosh, what if he gets hurt? This truly put the lost baby episode to shame.

So I am standing on the patio near the front door wondering, what is my next move? I need to do something. I took off and ran as fast as I could next door, panting, face all red, frizz flying everywhere. Hopped over their baby gate and rang the doorbell, thinking please answer, please.

Bless the neighbors heart. She let me use her phone to call Joel, who almost didn't pick up. She was very nice and I felt tremendously guilty that I didn't even know her name. I told Joel to "bust his butt" home with a key. I thanked the neighbor, and ran back to the house.

You see, we have three windows looking out to our patio. At that point, I had only tried to open one of those windows, because I was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE I had locked the other two. POSITIVE. But I figured, let me try to open the other windows anyway. I tore off the screen, chucked it on the ground and pushed the window up. SUCCESS! The window opened. There have been few times in my life that I have felt as much relief as I did at that moment. I crawled through the window, pushed away the blinds, and fell on the floor of the living room.

Next thing you know, stinky butt comes strutting up the hallway in his little wife beater, with a huge smile on his face. It was the funniest thing in the world for him to see Mommy crawl through the window. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The whole episode was terribly exhausting. I certainly learned my lesson, if I need to go outside, no matter how quick, unlock a window, bring keys, and my cell phone. I'm just happy it's over.